I've spend the entire day feeling like I wanted to burst into tears, and throw up.
I resisted reading the horrible news for as long as I could at work today, but was so overwhelmed by the bits and pieces of the horror that I was hearing, I gave in and brought up the news reports after lunch. Unfathomable that both the US and China had disgusting attacks on children today!
I let Growly Bear stay up past her bedtime tonight, just becasue I didn't want to let her out of my sight. We watched Tree House and cuddled, and my heart broke for all the families who are going through hell tonight. I can't even comprehend the horror of it all.
I finally gave in, and let my poor exhausted child go to sleep. I couldn't bring myself to put her in her own room. So I lay with her in our big bed, and hugged her, and cried my eyes out as she patted my face and happily sung herself to sleep beside me.
I'm not a philosophical person. I don't really question life, of why we're here, or what the meaning of it all is. I'm mostly just happy to be along for the ride, and enjoy taking it all in as we go.
Tonight though really has me questioning what the fuck the meaning of it all is. What the hell kind of horrible world do we live in? How is there so much hatred and evil? Who goes after any innocent person with the intention to kill them, but specifically going after children... Well that's an entirely different unfathomable sick low.
I'm angry, and heartbroken, and scared shitless about what mankind is becoming.
You spend every moment of every day worried about your child, keeping them safe, protecting them from harm, only doing what's best for them, and loving them more then you ever thought possible. And then, you send them off into this disgusting, horrific, terrifying world. How do we not all become paranoid hermits who are too scared to leave the house?
The evil. The hatred. The cruelty. There is so much of it! How do we put and end to it? Why can't people, especially our children, be safe! We shouldn't have to live in fear. We shouldn't have to look over our shoulders worried about what the next crazy sicko might do. What a disgusting point in our existence we are at.
I'm emotionally exhausted, and drained.
I send my love and strength to those who need it tonight. My heart hurts for you all.
I'm going back to bed to lay with my sweet girl.
Love and Hugs Everyone