This mom cooking thing is a big deal for a couple of reasons:
1) My mom HATES to cook, and claims that she can't, when in reality, she is a great cook, and has a handful of tried and true perfected family favorites. White bread and baked beans (and Peanut Butter Cookies!) are at the top of that list!
2) We only get her world famous white bread once a year, at Christmas, in time for Christmas Breakfast and turkey samich'es (sandwiches). We all eat waaaaay too much of it when it's around, and we'd all be 300lbs if we had access to it all year round.
Tonight was our date night for our movie. Today also happened to be Growly Bear's day to spend with her Grama.
Since Growly Bear has been enjoying all the cooking we've been doing in our house, my mom decided they would have a cooking day together, and we would do our Movie Night when everyone got off work tonight.
My mom texted me fun photos throughout the morning. They were having a great time, and all was going well. And then I got this email from my ger.... With her permission, I am sharing it with you all now.
***Side Note: Mea is my 12 year old big sucky black lab dog. She HATES fire alarms, stove timers, and generally anything that beeps.***
So ......Your daughter & I made bread & we made cookies & she’s been happy & content & clean ...... I fed her lunch after I put the first batch of bread in the oven. She contently fed herself noodles & broccoli & milk while I worked on cleaning up the kitchen. Then I fed her yogurt and your dad dipped a piece of cookie in milk for her and she loved it and then he went back to work & I took her out of her chair & she had stashed food all over the place in her chair, in her hair, in her ears, in her clothes.....You know the drill. So I stood her on the floor, called Mea for clean-up duty and bent down to undress the little darling only to have my nostrils assaulted by eau de really bad poopoo. At that very same moment the oven started beeping that the bread was ready to come out. Mea freaked. Zoey’s top was already off and her pants were covered in mashed cheesy burger noodle mush so I decided against my better judgement to take the pants off too because if she sat on anything there would be food all over whatever she came in contact with. I told her to go into the kitchen & sit on the floor and to not touch her diaper and to watch me take the bread out of the beeping oven. Mea’s racing for cover, Zoey’s strolling into the kitchen, I’m now in the kitchen opening the oven door only to look up and see said child’s hand in the rear of her shitty diaper. I had the oven mitts on, chucked them onto the counter, raced for her as the stove continued to do it’s fricken beeping (Mea was cowering under one of the kitchen chairs) and grabbed her hand only to discover that yes, she had come in contact with said poop. Dragged her into the kitchen, did a quick wipe off of her hand and demanded in my big voice that she sit on the floor and not touch her diaper then I went to the sink and gave myself 3rd degree burns sterilizing my hands so that I could go back to removing the bread from the oven. Side note: the bread looks rather fab, if I do say so myself. The dog is sticking VERY close to me. The child is clean and in fresh EVERYTHING though, from the quiet and little grunts I am hearing, I do believe that she is currently working on another poop. It’s a good thing you are cute my girl! I wouldn’t be doing this for anyone else.
In a later email, my mom informed me that I would be wise of me to bring along a bucket of swill (a.k.a. the biggest jug of wine I could find) when I came up after work, becasue she was going to need it!
I was a little unsure of what I might find when I got up there tonight, but everyone was happy, clean, and in good spirits. So I suppose no one was scared for life.
There were the most perfectly beautiful huge loaves of soft, warm, fluffy, white bread, and a summering pot of beans, and a big container of enormous peanut butter cookies, which Growly Bear proudly showed me, and then snatched one and made a run for it.
Even with the poop incident, I think it would be considered a good day.
A big huge Thank You to my momma for dealing with my Monster Child! You see, she never had to deal with situations like this before, seeing as I the the perfect little kid always! This G'Ma thing is keeping her on her toes I think.
Tomorrow is Growly Bear's day with her daddy... Wonder what she'll get into then.... Hopefully nothing poopy! I don't think he would handle it as well as Grama did!
Love and Hugs!